Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
