I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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