How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
