I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
