So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
