I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
