Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
