this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
