That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
