Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
