I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
