Sponge bath it is.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
