Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
