honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize