It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
