i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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