im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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