I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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