I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my being single is dangerous.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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