we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
