Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
