he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
