your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
