he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
nutella sex= disaster
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
