I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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