Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize