nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
