I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
