I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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