Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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