the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
