I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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