Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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