you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im part way to drunk.
Drake has all the answers
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize