wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
