I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
