now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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