I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
