Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
