She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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