I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
