You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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