we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
