I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
