thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
