goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we're making bets on your personal life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
