i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
