we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
