Jerry, you need to find god
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
