Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
