just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
