The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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