16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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