Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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