Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
