then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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