Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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