We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
