New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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