She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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