i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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