At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
