Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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