oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
