You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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