pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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