Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
