you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the room spins SO much faster in panama
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
