She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
