Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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