obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
