So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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