Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
