Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
