hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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