Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry about my life...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
