my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
