Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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