I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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