I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
