the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
