I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
