Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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