It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
