My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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