dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
