Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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