sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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