Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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