You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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