So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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