Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
