dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
