do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
