id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
