Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
